At this point the maid of honor and best man’s wedding toast is as much of a tradition as a white dress, cake, and the first dance.  The tradition of toasting at weddings goes back to sixth century Greece. When there was a gathering or feast, the Greeks would pour wine from a common container.  Because sometimes an enemy might poison a drink, the host would first drink from his glass to show his guests that the wine was safe.  This tradition was later adopted by the Romans and then by the 1800’s, the toast was a common act and was done as a gesture of good faith and to wish health and happiness to guests attending a special occasion.

Given the long history of wedding toasts, there are bound to be a number of great toasts out there, probably easily seen on YouTube.  More often than not, however, toasts are emotional, personal, and usually contain a lot of inside references between the speaker and the bride or groom.  As a wedding band, Fun DMC has had our share of watching some really fun toasts (and some really awkward ones).  But none of them have been nearly as memorable as some of the wedding speeches shared on Reddit when the question was posed: “What Is The Funniest Thing You’ve Heard In A Wedding Toast?”  We compiled some of the best answers to share with you.

I was best man at my friend’s wedding. When it came time for my speech I pulled a paper out of my pocket and began reading about what a wonderful husband he was going to be, how he was loyal, handsome, kind, how he was loved by everyone, etc.  Then, I squinted at the paper, stumbled a little over the words-turned to him, handed him the paper and announced, “I can’t read your handwriting”. Brought the house down.

Me and [groom] have been friends for a long time, but he had some trouble finding a best man. He first asked his richest friend to be his best man, but he said no. Then he asked his funniest friend to be his best man, but he said no. He then asked his best-looking friend to be the best man but even he said no. Then he asked me and after turning him down the first three times I couldn’t refuse again.”

“Ian said that if i did a good job tonight I could be the best man at his next wedding”

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a very emotional day. Even the cake’s in tiers…”

I shoot a lot of weddings, but the best one I heard was “Well, she’s moving in with Dave now, so it looks like all the ladies will have to give up their keys to your place.” Silence. “Ladies, I’m not kidding… give them up”. Every woman in the place gets up, walks to the head table, and drops a key in front of him.

I was at a wedding when the best man concluded his speech saying “as you might know, I’m here with my wonderful girlfriend, we’ve been together for five years now and, well, I’ve had a few drinks but I hope you will indulge me if I ask her a very special question…”. All this time he’s been reaching into his pocket and I could see from his girlfriend’s face she genuinely believed he was working up to a proposal. He then pulls his car keys out of his pocket and says “I’m a bit pissed, love, can you drive me home?” The girlfriend walks out of the room, the guests are in uproar – the guys are all in hysterics and the women are all horrified. Quite a night.

I was the best man at my buddy’s wedding this summer. I closed with “A lot of you don’t know me but I’ve spent my time in college studying mathematics, specifically the field of statistics. I want you guys to look each other in the eyes. You are now looking at the person who, statistically speaking, is most likely to murder you.”

I saw a grooms brother say, “I always knew you would find the best wife” in front of three other sisters in law.

Two of my best friends got married about a month ago. Another friend of mine gave the opening speech at the reception and began with this line: “A wise man once said, love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably poop…” After the crowd was done laughing hysterically, he somehow found a way to make the quote heartwarmingly relevant to their relationship.

My brother was the best man at his friend’s wedding. His quote at the end was, “I’d like to give you relationship advice, but what do I know? I’m single and have a cat.”

My cousin parroted the speech that the Impressive Clergyman gave during the wedding scene of The Princess Bride. Only a couple people under 40 got it. My mother whispered in my ear, “Oh my God, I think Michael is having a stroke.”.

At a recent wedding, the best man ended his speech with, “And when the wind blows hard and the sky is black – Ducks fly together!”